LETTER FROM THE EDITOR 8/14/07
I have a friend I'll call Jed (not his real name) who reached a career milestone and wanted to celebrate his financial and business success. So two years ago, he bought himself a status symbol: a Hummer.
When he first got it, Jed spent pleasant time exulting in the admiration and envy of both friends and strangers. He hand washed and polished his pimped out vehicle often, to the point of carrying a chamios for the wiping off of any dust streaks or water spots that happened while on the road.
There were little things that bugged him about the car, but on the plus side was what it said about him; and that far outweighed the negatives. Still, Jed is basically a sensible soul. Though the cost of gas doesn't worry him, the frequency with which he had to refill the tank was an irritation. His satisfaction at driving a Hummer would dim a little on the daily weekday drive up Parley's Canyon to Heber. The vehicle's square box shape was about as un-aerodynamic as it was possible to get, and the large flat outline created drag in front and turbulence behind, both of which sucked up even more gas as he barged through the atmosphere on his way home.
The weight of the heavy metal car was brought home to Jed when he ran over his daughter's favorite doll, which yes, had been carelessly left in the driveway, but still, to have a doll ground into that many pieces was a bit frightening.
He bristled when a friend whose tongue had been loosened by dinner and wine made fun of his Hummer.
The friend laughed and said, "It's made to run in a hot sandy desert at very slow speeds on poor roads or no roads. What's it doing here in the mountains, where the roads are great, cars go fast, and temperatures fall below zero in the winter?" He laughed some more and said, "Why would anyone want a car that's just a showy imitation of a military vehicle anyhow? How can a Hummer be a luxury car? "
Jed tried hard to hide his annoyance at the remarks, but felt the sting of internal and greater annoyance because he could think of no comeback to make his friend's comments look stupid.
But it got worse. "An Inconvenient Truth" came out, and suddenly people were making snide comments about his Hummer. Once, on the drive up Parley's Canyon, two little kids leaned their heads out the window of a Honda sedan and sang in snotty voices, "Ten miles a gaaallon, ten miles a gaaallon," and the woman who was driving just laughed.
When half his office staff ran out to the parking lot to admire a co-worker's new Prius, Jed was aware enough to admit to himself that it was not envy he felt, but its more complicated cousin, jealousy. On the way home that afternoon, an old lady in a Toyota pursed her lips and shook her head with an obvious "what an idiot" expression on her face as he pulled up in the next lane. For the first time, Jed did not feel joy, but self consciousness behind the wheel of his Hummer.
But the spark of full resentment towards the car did not come until his two daughters requested that mommy take them to school instead of daddy. A little questioning brought out the fact that it wasn't so much mommy, but her car they preferred. They were ashamed of daddy's car. The other kids made fun of the Hummer commercials. "Do you set off balloons around a campfire? Where do you go driving in the creek?" classmates would tease. His youngest looked at him with pleading sincerity in her eyes and asked, "Can't we get rid of that big old thing?"
The following day, he called his dealer and asked about trading in the Hummer for something---more economical, he said, but that was not what he meant.
The dealer was quiet for a moment. "You've still got resale value there, but nobody's buying used Hummers right now. So I can't offer you full resale price because then I'll be stuck with it, tying up my inventory," he said gently, then added, "You're not the only one who wants out of owning a Hummer. Come on, you should be proud of having such a car. Just tell those naysayers that a Dodge Ram gets even less miles to the gallon."
Jed realized the dealer knew his Hummer was embarrassing him, knew exactly what he was really thinking. And he was thinking bitterly that his Hummer didn't make him look rich and successful any more. In a world of melting Arctic ice caps, owning a gas guzzling fake military vehicle today made him look like a fool.
Wina Sturgeon
August 13, 2007